Weird Fact: Vending Machines of Death!

Death by Vending Machine

Picture this:

You’re swimming in the ocean on a hot summer day. It’s beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. You’re out there, enjoying yourself. Not a care in the world, when suddenly there’s a slight tug on your leg. The pristine water seems calm, still, you wonder: what was that? As you look around, but you’re alone or so you think. Before you can scream, before panic can fully set in—a massive shark rises from the depths with the quickness of a bad dream, it plunges its serrated teeth into your groin.

You try to scream. Blood and sea water fill your lungs. The pain, unlike anything you had ever felt, brings you to black out. It is the worst imaginable way to go and for all of the movies and SyFy channel tornadoes, one of the least likely.

In the United States, there is an average of ONE shark related death per year (if any). In fact, you are more likely to be killed by a cow then the second coming of Jaws. Still, bovine murderers account for roughly 22 deaths in any given year.

Now, here’s a scenario that is more likely to happen.

It is a busy day at work. You’re thirsty. Hitting the break room, you dig a couple of loose quarters from your pocket and anxiously make your selection from the vending machine. Nothing. Not a sound. Zilch. You can’t help but feel anger and betrayal as the machine has taken your money and refused product in return.

Now, you don’t know what do to with yourself. You scream your rage and grab the machine, rocking the beast from side to side when suddenly—it creaks and groans—falling forward. Crushing you beneath it, your ribs crack. Jutting inward from the pressure to puncture whole organs. You breathe painfully as blood fills your throat, you choke, unable to move or shake the vomit spilling across your tongue.

What kills you first? Internal bleeding or suffocation?

Every organ and bone worth a damn is broken and here you are, trapped under almost 1,000 pounds of outdated hardware and dying slow and to add insult to injury, you still did not get your fizzy carbonated drink.

You’re not alone. Out of roughly 4,640,000 vending machines in operation, they account for roughly 10-13 deaths a year. So many that the CPSC (Consumer Product Safety Commission) issued this:

“Warning! Never rock or tilt. Machine can fall over and cause serious injury or death. Vending machine will not dispense free product.”

It should come as no surprise that the majority of vending machine related casualties are typically male who can not grasp the simple fact: you tilt, rock, or move a poorly secured and awkwardly built thousand pound machine, it’s libel to fall.

But hey, 10 to 13 deaths a year is still a hell of a lot better then death by cow.


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